


temperamental fool

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Aromantic Character, Canon Universe, Gray Asexual Character, M/M, Puppy Love, gratuitous snow scene, massu's (un)helpful advice, sex with feelings, with a real puppy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:59:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Periodically, Tegoshi finds himself inexplicably attracted to Shige. After so long of suffering, he finally does something about it.





	temperamental fool

**Author's Note:**

> someone wanted cute tegoshige w emma, and after seven false starts, this is what happened. title from an old song by domoto koichi.

After so long of the same story looping over and over, it doesn't even faze him anymore. Tegoshi gave up finding a label that fit him a long time ago, chalking it up to his fickle personality and reluctance to commit to any particular feeling for longer than it takes to fade away. It feels good until it doesn't, and he learned at an early age that most people don't like that kind of inconsistency in their relationships.

Everyone told him he'd grow out of it, that he'd meet someone who attracted him for longer than a few minutes, but here he is thirty years old and still fending off fleeting crushes. He tries, but he only makes it until the first conflict or personal criticism before he's disinterested, choosing to walk away instead of putting in the work to compromise, and it's earned him a horrible reputation as a playboy who abandons his lovers when things get tough.

It's not like that at all. Tegoshi's attraction to other people is simply not a continuous state. He can't make himself like someone when he doesn't. He's always upfront and honest with any potential dating partners, explaining how his desire wavers and he might not be into them all the time, and yet they still get upset and accuse him of leading them on when the initial lust dissipates.

Massu says that Tegoshi's incapable of romantic love, and maybe he's right. That doesn't mean that Tegoshi wants to be alone forever, or that he doesn't have feelings for other people. He argues that he falls in love several times a _day_ , with people and with concepts, but according to Massu, that's not the same. Falling in love is ephemeral; loving someone is constant.

What does Massu even know? He's not inside Tegoshi's head, or his heart, or even his pants. He may be in this meeting with the rest of them, but he's probably not having an adverse reaction to Shige's entire existence across the room. His blood isn't racing and his skin isn't on fire from the mere sight of Shige in an old hoodie and sweats, sporting a shadow from five o'clock _yesterday_ and a collarbone that shines in the fluorescent light when he performs the sinful act of _tugging on his collar_.

Tegoshi should be used to this by now, but it happens so rarely that he's caught off guard every single time. He'll just be sitting there, minding his own business, when he's hit full force with what he can only describe as crippling lust. Like promiscuous Cupid shot him in the dick with a bow full of aphrodisiacs. It's a mild inconvenience when it's someone he doesn't know very well, but the stronger the connection he has to them, the stronger the attraction.

Which means that it's absolutely brutal with Shige. Tegoshi has no idea what the appeal is, but every now and then Shige will _breathe_ the right way and Tegoshi has to sit on his hands not to pounce. It would be hilarious if it wasn't such torture; if it were anyone else, he'd have made a move by now, at least approached the subject to see if it was even a possibility, but this is _Shige_. Shige, who has no interest in Tegoshi aside from offering his trademark disapproving looks every time Tegoshi walks into work with Emma.

Tegoshi always tells himself that it'll go away eventually, he just has to endure it and it'll be over soon, and he's right. He can count on one hand how many times it's happened in the past year, and the longest it ever lasted was a couple hours. Usually, Shige will unintentionally help out by opening his mouth and saying something so off-putting that Tegoshi's completely turned off. If all else fails, Shige leaves his field of vision and Tegoshi calms down once the temptation is gone.

"Still?" Massu asks as the pair of them head to another meeting, this time for their side unit. "Isn't it a little worrisome that you keep finding yourself inexplicably attracted to Shige?"

Tegoshi sighs, still recovering from the hormonal spike. "I don't even know anymore."

"You should tell him," Massu says for probably the millionth time over the past decade. "Who knows? He might think it's funny and it'll be easier."

"Would you think it's funny if it were you?" Tegoshi asks pointedly, staring Massu down.

"Actually, yes," Massu admits, and Tegoshi narrows his eyes. "I'd do sexy things on purpose to make you even more miserable."

"Such a good friend," Tegoshi scoffs, and Massu laughs.

"You don't know," Massu teases. "Maybe he'd be into it."

"Shut _up_ ," Tegoshi hisses, pressing his fists into his eyes to get rid of _that_ image. "You are the _worst_. Every time this happens, I regret telling you in the first place."

"It wouldn't be that difficult to get him alone," Massu goes on, ignoring Tegoshi's whine for him to stop. "He's basically a hermit these days. You could use Emma to lure him over to your place."

"He hates Emma," Tegoshi mutters, lowering both hands to pet the puppy in his lap. "He's been complaining about her for six months."

"He doesn't _hate_ her," Massu counters. "He just doesn't like that you bring her everywhere. Maybe he's jealous of her! Maybe _he_ wants to be the one you—"

The rest of his words are muffled as Tegoshi lunges across the seat to clasp a hand over his mouth, Emma's surprised barks barely drowning out Massu's laughter.

*

The next time NEWS meet for work, Emma promptly makes herself at home on Shige's lap and Tegoshi can't decide whether she's a traitor or not. It's worth the bewildered look on Shige's face, like he wants to push her off but can't bring himself to do so, and Tegoshi thinks that Shige may be sweet on her after all.

"I'll share custody with you for today," Tegoshi says seriously, earning an unimpressed face from the other man. "But she's coming home with me."

Shige starts to argue, but then Emma paws at his chest and his expression melts. Now that Tegoshi has a legitimate reason to glance over at Shige periodically, he does so without shame, ignoring Massu's knowing looks as he watches how gentle Shige is with Emma. She's already on her back, easily trusting Shige with her belly, his fingers sifting through her dark fur as he pays attention to whatever their manager and Koyama are discussing.

"I was wrong," Massu whispers. "Maybe _you_ are the one who's jealous of her."

"I hate you," Tegoshi replies, and Massu grins.

A few days later, when he's struggling to type a message on his phone, he curses Massu for putting stupid ideas in his head. While Shige hadn't done anything to actively ignite Tegoshi's arousal this time, the fact that he was so attentive to Emma was enough to bring his silly crush back full force.

He may not be a stranger to this feeling, but it's the first time Tegoshi has considered _doing_ something about it. Massu's unhelpful advice aside, there may be some truth to getting it out on the open. Except that he really would have to lure Shige somewhere alone, because he's not about to get into this over text.

_Emma misses you. Come see her!_

It looks as dumb as it had sounded in his head, but he sends it off anyway. He feels like a teenager again, never mind that he hadn't been _nearly_ as uncertain about anything back then. He blames it on actually having responsibility and accountability now. At his all-boys high school, even in the early years of NEWS, he wasn't held to such high standards of relationship permeance. It was only five years ago that it started becoming a problem, or more accurately when _he_ started believing it was a problem.

Tegoshi may be selfish and narcissistic, but he's not a sociopath. He doesn't get off on hurting people. The older he got, the more serious his partners were, and the more painful it was for _both_ of them when Tegoshi's feelings switched off. Yet, he didn't give up. The next one could be the right one, he kept telling himself. Each failed relationship was a learning experience, though at some point he had to admit to himself that all he was learning is how incompatible he is with everyone else's ideas of conventional love.

In the time it takes Shige to reply, Tegoshi sits down and actually thinks about what he wants from this. If he just wants sex, he should be up front about it. Shige's as openly gay as a Johnny can get, so Tegoshi doesn't have to worry about that. He also has it on good authority that Shige's very lonely and notoriously bitter about being single. A no-strings-attached romp between the sheets would be good for him—for both of them.

Tegoshi feels infinitely better once he has his feelings sorted out. He's not trying to marry the guy, after all—the four of them are practically already in a group marriage anyway, which works out to his advantage. NEWS is as important to Shige as it is to Tegoshi, so neither one of them would chance harming the group by getting too attached to each other. Shige's not the type to get attached anyway. Tegoshi doesn't know all of his private business, but he's been present for more than one of Shige's post-breakup rants about how people want too much from him and won't respect his time.

_Oh, she does, does she? Did she tell you that?_

Tegoshi laughs out loud at his phone. Sarcastic Shige is his favorite Shige. Without hesitation, he relocates into his dog room and shoots a short video of Emma sleeping in her bed.

"I wish Shige would notice me," he says in the high-pitched baby voice he usually uses for Emma. "It was so nice to be petted by him the other day! I wonder if he would come visit Papa and me? I'll even make Papa behave."

He barely manages to cut off the video before he falls over laughing, rolling around on the floor like he's a dog too. Emma joins him and he thinks he should have continued recording after all, then he's covered in puppy kisses and forgets about Shige for a while. The next time he picks up his phone, he quickly edits the video and sends it off. As an afterthought, he sends it to Massu too. It _was_ technically Massu's idea.

Less than a minute later, Tegoshi's ringtone pierces the air and Tegoshi stares in amazement at the screen. He doesn't think Shige has actively called him in five years, and that was about work. "Hello?"

"You're ridiculous, do you know that?" Shige greets him, but there's amusement laced in his voice. "If you want me to come over, invite me yourself!"

"It's cuter when Emma-chan does it," Tegoshi protests, pouting even though Shige can't see him. "You can't say no to that face."

"I can't say no to _your_ face, stupid," Shige goes on, and something inside Tegoshi swells. "Even when I do, you don't listen, so there's no point in doing it anymore."

Tegoshi's reminded of the upsetting psychological experiments on learned helplessness from his university days and frowns. "If you're going to come over, do it because you want to and not because you feel like you have to!"

Shige pauses. "I was kidding. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Tegoshi answers quickly, offering a quick laugh. "I'm just messing with you."

"So, you don't want me to come over?" Shige asks, sounding confused, and Tegoshi rolls his eyes at the incredulity of it all. "I'm already out, and I'm not leaving again once I get home, so speak now or forever hold your peace."

"Come over," Tegoshi blurts out.

"On my way."

Tegoshi ends the call and stares at Emma. "This is your fault."

The puppy yawns, and Tegoshi is so enamored that he plays with her all the way up until his front door opens. Emma races out of the room the second she hears the lock turn, and Tegoshi can only hope that Shige has enough foresight to close the door behind him so that she doesn't get out.

"Shige?"

"It's me," Shige calls out, and Tegoshi stretches out on the floor halfway into the hallway, in time to see Shige shrug off his outerwear and happily accept Emma in his arms.

"I forgot you had a key," Tegoshi says, distracted by Shige's low-riding sweatpants and hat hair.

"Is it okay that I let myself in?" Shige asks suddenly, his concerned face falling when he notices Tegoshi. "Why are you on the floor?"

"Playing with Emma-chan," Tegoshi answers, making no effort to get up. "She's faster than me."

"Good thing I did let myself in then," Shige teases. "Did you eat yet?"

"Huh?" Tegoshi shakes himself away from where he's watching Shige cradle Emma close to him. "Is it time to eat?"

Shige scoffs. "Honestly, I don't know how you manage to take care of yourself. It's almost eight o'clock!"

"Oh!" Tegoshi seems to realize this at the same time his stomach does, laughing at the gurgling sound. "I forgot."

"Have you been to the new Thai place down the street yet?" Shige asks, unbothered at how disoriented Tegoshi is around him. Perhaps Tegoshi has always been this way and Shige's just used to it by now. "We can get take-out and bring Emma-chan with us."

Emma barks at her name, leaning up to lick Shige's face, and Tegoshi's heart aches. He gets to his feet and promptly loses his balance, chalking it up to lightheadedness from waiting so long to eat. Shige looks worried until Tegoshi brushes past him for his coat and Emma's leash, which has Emma so excited that it takes both of them to clip it onto her collar.

"I guess she really did want to see me," Shige says as he puts on the coat and hat he'd just taken off. "Here I thought you had a thing for me."

Tegoshi snorts and Shige laughs at what he thinks is a joke. If only he knew.

*

Two hours and Tegoshi's in the process of mentally decomposing. The spicy food didn't do much to help his body temperature, even with the arctic weather outside. Tegoshi doesn't like using his heater because it dries out his voice, but it could be on full blast for as warm as he feels sitting on his couch a comfortable distance away from Shige, the pair of them relaxing after eating their weight in pad Thai.

Emma bounces between them, elated at the double dose of attention that Tegoshi is only mildly jealous of. He definitely doesn't want Shige to pet him like he pets Emma, way too gentle and low pressure, like she's something delicate that will break if he holds her too tightly. No, Tegoshi would want Shige to get rough with him, throw him around like a rag doll and take whatever he wants, assuming he wanted anything. Right now, he seems content just sitting there, cradling his food baby and catching his breath like it had taken all of his energy to eat.

And he's never been more attractive.

"I need to tell you something," Tegoshi says, because everything inside him is screaming that this is the _right moment_ , including the part of his conscience that sounds like Massu.

Shige raises an eyebrow without opening his eyes. "Go ahead."

"Sometimes, I do have a thing for you."

If that's news to Shige, his face doesn't show it. His only visible reaction is breathing in more deeply, a slow inhale and even slower exhale that leaves Tegoshi moderately mesmerized from following along.

"What kind of thing?"

Tegoshi swallows as he forms his words carefully. "The kind where I want to have sex with you."

"Hmm." Shige pries open both eyes with what looks like a lot of effort, focusing them both on Tegoshi's face that is wearing an expression that seems to surprise him. "Oh, you're serious."

"I am."

Shige blinks several times and returns his attention to the front, like Tegoshi's turned-off TV is going to explain to him what just happened. "I don't know what to say to that."

"I'm sorry," Tegoshi says, the unfamiliar feeling of _guilt_ washing over him as he regards his longtime coworker and sometimes friend looking dumbfounded on his couch. "I don't mean to look at you that way. It just happened. Well, it's been happening for a while. Not all the time or anything...I mean, we've known each other forever. I'd say it started ten years ago? But only every now and then."

He forces himself to shut up before he says anything else that's going to send Shige high-tailing it out of his apartment, pulling Emma into his own lap for support. He focuses on petting her instead of the word vomit that had just come out of his mouth, leaving it up to Shige to reply. He'd said his piece, and like Massu had predicted, it's already a huge weight off of his shoulders.

"I don't mind that you look at me that way," Shige finally says, and Tegoshi's so surprised that he turns to stare at him despite his resolve. "Never in a million years did I _expect_ it, but that doesn't mean it's unwelcome. For what it's worth, I'm happy to receive your feelings. I know you don't have them very often, so it's a big deal when you do."

"Yeah." Tegoshi's face heats up, and if it were anyone else, he'd be embarrassed about blushing in front of them. Since it's just Shige, he doesn't care. "It's been driving me crazy."

"I bet." Shige looks sheepish, thoughtfully rubbing the stubble on his chin as he presumably decides what to say next. "I need to think about it, okay? I'm not saying no—I'm just saying not right now."

"Fair enough," Tegoshi agrees, choking on his laugh when Emma pokes her cold nose into his now dormant hands. "Sorry, Emma-chan! Papa is distracted by Shige."

Emma sniffs, unimpressed, and Tegoshi figures she's had enough of that excuse.

"I'm torn between leaving before I do something rash and...well, doing something rash." Shige smiles in a way that has Tegoshi hopeful, because "not a no" and "I have to leave before it's a yes" are two totally different things.

"What's going through your head?" Tegoshi asks.

" _Everything_ ," Shige answers with a laugh. "You sent my brain into overdrive."

"Sorry," Tegoshi mutters, but Shige shakes his head.

"It's my fault. I think too much, and trying _not_ to think too much is just as bad. How much thought am I supposed to put into it? Do I go with my gut, or do I address all of my concerns first? How did you decide something like this so easily?"

Tegoshi blinks. "When it happens, I'm too aroused to think of anything except how much I want you."

It's almost comical how big Shige's eyes get, but Tegoshi doesn't dare laugh. "Oh. Wow. I-I really like hearing that. From you, I mean. Is it something particular I do, or just random bursts of attraction?"

"Mostly random," Tegoshi answers. This wasn't weird until he started mentally scrolling through his sexually-charged Shige memories for some kind of pattern. "Usually, you're touching yourself somehow. Totally innocent, like your face or your neck."

"Do you want me to stop?" Shige asks seriously. "I can be more mindful of it so that you're not uncomfortable."

"I don't know." Tegoshi frowns. "If you stop, then I might not feel it again, and all of this will be for nothing."

Shige scrunches up his face in concentration, and Tegoshi thinks it's adorable. "Are you attracted to me right now?"

"Yeah," Tegoshi admits. "Since you walked in the door. I really like it when you pet Emma."

"You get turned on by the strangest things," Shige says, and they both laugh. "Can I try something?"

Tegoshi's blood rushes at the question. "Yes."

He watches as Shige reaches out his hand, hovering over Tegoshi's arm. Slowly, he lowers his fingers until they make contact with skin. Doesn't move them, only resting, but Tegoshi's breath hitches like Shige had touched him somewhere much more erogenous. Shige stares at him incredulously and Tegoshi heats up even more as Shige trails his fingers down Tegoshi's forearm and around his wrist, loosely intertwining them with Tegoshi's.

"Wow," Shige says again. "I can honestly say I've never gotten that kind of reaction simply by holding someone's hand before."

"I'm really sensitive," Tegoshi tells him. "I don't get touched like this a lot, so when I do it's very strong."

"I know what you mean." Shige tears his eyes away from their joined hands to look Tegoshi right in the eyes. It feels like he can see right into Tegoshi's soul, and Tegoshi squirms under the intense stare. "What do you want from me?"

"A lot more of this," Tegoshi answers bluntly, using his grip on Shige's hand to convey just how much this is affecting him. He tenses his fingers and then lets go, physically calming himself down now that he's actually _touching_ Shige. It would be so easy just to pounce now and talk later, but he respects Shige enough to wait for his consent.

Shige inhales sharply, like he can feel Tegoshi's willpower through their joined hands, and all at once the touch disappears. "I have to go now."

"Okay," Tegoshi says, not bothering to hide his disappointment. "Will you let me know what you decide?"

Shige nods. "Yeah, I will."

Tegoshi watches as Shige lifts himself up, still looking a bit pregnant from dinner as he bundles up for the cold outdoors. Emma follows him, jumping around his legs until he picks her up and kisses her goodbye, and Tegoshi pouts at her getting a kiss and not him.

"Oh, come here," Shige says, and Tegoshi flies off of the couch so fast that he almost falls over as he closes the distance between them.

He doesn't stop or even slow down, crashing into Shige so hard that they smash against the door. His arms slip inside Shige's unbuttoned coat, face pressing into Shige's collarbone as Shige's own arms wrap around him and pull him so close that he can feel Shige's heartbeat against his chest, rapid and nervous.

"Don't be scared, Shige," Tegoshi whispers into his skin, feeling braver now that he's in Shige's embrace. "It'll be fun, _and_ it'll feel good. Keep that in mind when you consider all of the worst-case scenarios."

"I will," Shige tells him, giving him one last squeeze before pulling back.

Tegoshi whines at the loss of contact, hugging himself to keep from reaching out for more.

"I have to know," Shige starts, biting his bottom lip in a way that has Tegoshi's body on fire all over again. "Do you think about me when you...by yourself?"

"Not always," Tegoshi answers truthfully. "But after you leave, I will."

Now Shige's the one making a pitiful noise, one that has Tegoshi more hopeful than anything he could actually say. Shige _wants_ him; he can see it in the way Shige looks at him, how Shige is stalling because he doesn't want to leave yet.

" _Go_ ," Tegoshi hisses, reaching around him to open the door. "Quick, before Emma gets out."

Something flashes in Shige's eyes, and the next second has lips pressing to Tegoshi's, brief enough to pull away before Tegoshi can react, but strong enough to linger.

"You're not presenting a solid case for leaving, lawyer-san," Tegoshi teases.

"I wasn't that good at law," Shige replies with a laugh. "That's why I'm a writer. I get to decide how the story ends."

Tegoshi rolls his eyes. "Let me guess. This is going to be a slow burn?"

"I'm not that patient," Shige says, and Tegoshi shivers at the implication. "Give me a couple days, okay? I obviously want to right now, but I don't want to hate myself in the morning."

Tegoshi smiles despite his frustration. "Always responsible Shige."

"Good night, Tegoshi," and he's gone.

If this were a drama, Shige would linger outside the door for about a minute before barging right back in, taking Tegoshi in his arms and kissing him passionately, but this isn't a drama. This is real life and Tegoshi has never known Shige to make an impulsive decision in all the time they've worked together; even if he did come back, Tegoshi might just send him away. He doesn't want Shige to hate himself in the morning either.

He showers for as long as it takes to get off, but his body still yearns for more. Even playing with Emma doesn't distract him anymore, not after watching Shige pet her so attentively for the better part of the evening. He just has to ride this wave out, just like all of the ones before, but his skin still burns when he crawls into bed later, his sheets caressing him everywhere they make contact.

In the morning, the tingle hasn't left his lips.

*

"It's been _three days_ ," Tegoshi huffs, pacing around the room with his phone. "When is he going to give me an answer?"

"Is there any chance you will stop talking about this in the near future?" Massu asks, glancing up from the pamphlet they'd been given to go through. "If you're not going to be useful, go home."

"This is all your fault," Tegoshi declares, spinning on his heel to point a finger at his duo partner. " _You_ made me tell him. You're going to hear every _nasty_ detail until the end of time. Even after you die, I will visit your grave just to tell you everything Shige and I do together."

"What makes you think you're gonna outlive me?" Massu scoffs. "I'm _so_ much healthier than you."

Tegoshi lets out a moan of agony as he flings his phone onto the table and gets back to work. He can't concentrate, swiping his screen so often that he's already killed half of the battery before noon.

"We have NEWS activities tomorrow," Tegoshi mutters. "Maybe he'll talk to me then."

Massu sighs. "We can only hope."

If all else fails, maybe Tegoshi will annoy Massu so much that he'll tell Shige to get a move on. He doesn't feel guilty talking to Massu about it, because he would bet money that Shige was already calling Koyama before he was halfway to his car the other night. Those two tell each other _everything_. Sadly, Tegoshi and Massu aren't nearly as close, at least not consensually.

He makes it another ten minutes before messaging Koyama. _Has Shige said anything to you?_

 _Shige says a lot of things to me_ , is the evasive reply. _Be patient and do your best for Tegomasu!_

Tegoshi sends back a bunch of frowny face emoji and resists the urge to smash his phone against the wall. Instant messaging is so stressful.

"Even if he decides not to, at least I won't be torturing myself anymore," Tegoshi thinks out loud. "If it happens again, it won't be as strong because I will know for sure that he's not interested. I'm not gonna keep crushing on someone who's already turned me down. I'm not a masochist."

Massu offers a noncommittal grunt.

"But he basically admitted that he was interested the other night," Tegoshi goes on. "I practically had to push him out the door. It was by far the hottest thing I've experienced in a long time, and all of our clothes were on. He definitely wanted to stay, so if he changes his mind, it'll be for some lame reason and not because he doesn’t want me."

"Lame reason?" Massu repeats, suddenly an active part of this conversation. "Are his feelings lame to you?"

Tegoshi pauses. "His feelings? He doesn't have any feelings for me. He's never even thought about me like that before."

"The harmlessly self-centered image was cute when you were twenty," Massu tells him, and it stings a little. "You're thirty now, so start thinking of others when you say things like that. You know as well as I do that Shige's only been intimate with people he was in serious relationships with. He's never even had a one-night stand. I wish I didn't know this, but since I do, I'm throwing it in your face. If he decides to do this with you, he'll have to separate his feelings from your activities, and I'm not certain he can."

Tegoshi nods. "So, what you're saying is, if he tells me no, it's because he thinks that he'll fall in love with me after having sex with me."

"Yes, but the way you say it sounds pretentious."

Tegoshi ignores him and returns to his own head. Would it be so bad if Shige developed feelings for him? Naturally, Tegoshi doesn't want to hurt him when he doesn't return them, but it wouldn't be like all of the other times. It couldn't be, since they already see each other so much for work. The only worst-case scenario Tegoshi can fathom is if _Shige_ wants more from him than he's willing to give, and he simply cannot see that. Shige values his alone time so much that _Koyama_ has to beg him to make time for him.

The attraction has weaned by the time they meet again, and surprisingly Tegoshi isn't hit full-force when he sees Shige already seated at the table. If anything, it's a pleasant buzz, even if it looks like Shige did his best to look as unappealing as possible. He's wearing an atrociously-patterned shirt that could have come out of Massu's closet, his tortoise shell glasses, and an orange snapback with a strange logo that Tegoshi doesn't recognize. Also, he had shaved.

Tegoshi's hit with sudden dread because what if it's completely gone? After ten years of sporadic attraction, what if _telling him_ is what made it stop? At this moment, he doesn't feel like he wants to jump across the table and tear Shige's clothes off, which is all he's been thinking about for three days. He can't think of a worse dick move than to get someone to think seriously about sleeping with him only to turn around and say never mind.

Then Shige smiles at him, and Tegoshi's nerves awaken. It's still different, but it's _something._ Truth be told, Tegoshi likes this feeling much better. It's much less uncomfortable to sit in a room full of people without being overloaded by desire.

"Emma-chan!" Shige calls, and Tegoshi nearly gets kicked in the junk as the puppy scrambles to abandon his lap for Shige's. "I missed you!"

"She missed you too," Tegoshi replies automatically. "She's not the only one."

Shige blushes adorably.

"You two are actually gross," Massu announces, and Koyama glances around to see if anyone else can hear them. "If I have to sit through your awful flirting for the unforeseeable future, I refuse to listen to anything that comes out of Tegoshi's mouth regarding your...arrangement."

"Still your fault~" Tegoshi sing-songs, leaning over to rest his head on Massu's shoulder. Massu shrugs him right off.

"I think it's cute," Koyama says, looking between Shige and Tegoshi with a conspiratorial grin.

"You would," Massu grumps. "You got the better half."

"I would gladly trade," Tegoshi offers. He fantasizes about BFF chats with Koyama while Massu and Shige do whatever insufferably logical people do.

"I'm not in a duo with you, Tego-chan," Koyama says, sounding as sad as Tegoshi feels.

"I'm sorry if I've caused you any trouble," Shige says to the table as a whole, sounding proper like he's talking about being late to rehearsal, not taking his time deciding whether to fuck Tegoshi or not. "Tegoshi, if you want to come by tomorrow, I'm ready to talk about it."

Massu scoffs. " _Talk_."

Tegoshi secretly hope he's right.

"Can I bring Emma-chan?" Tegoshi asks.

Shige glances down at the poodle in his arms. "Of course!"

Koyama looks elated, Massu looks miserable, and Tegoshi feels on top of the world. Even if Shige says no, they'll still have fun together with Emma. They're friends above all else—always have been, always will be. NEWS is forever.

It takes Tegoshi until he goes to bed that night to realize that _this_ is exactly why Shige had wanted to wait, to make it less of a heat-of-the-moment decision and more of an educated conclusion. Tegoshi had inadvertently done some thinking of his own, and while he hasn't reversed his stance by any means, he's glad they didn't jump right in without knowing how deep it could go.

Regardless of the outcome, he won't be wondering anymore.

*

It's not even noon yet when Tegoshi crosses the threshold of Shige's apartment, laden with bags of dog care items and the dog herself. They're both off today, but Shige had wanted the evening to write, so they agreed to meet earlier in the day to have everything "worked out" by sunset.

"You look like you're carting around a child," Shige greets him, and Tegoshi hands him Emma's dog bed. "I have plenty of places she can sleep, you know."

"She doesn't know this place," Tegoshi says, carefully setting her down to sniff around. "I thought it would be nice to have some things that smelled like home."

When he looks back up, Shige's frowning. "Has it really been that long since you've been here?"

"The last time I was here was your birthday," Tegoshi recalls. "I didn't have Emma yet."

Shige shakes his head. "I'm sorry it took me so long to invite you over."

"Hey, it’s my fault too." Tegoshi grins. "We're both crappy friends."

That has Shige laughing, and Tegoshi follows him into the main room. Tegoshi had forgotten how much _stuff_ Shige has—bookshelves stocked to the brim, tables of pictures and other keepsakes, artwork on the wall. His apartment isn't much bigger than Tegoshi's, but it looks much more homely. Tegoshi doesn't think his mother has this many furnishings in her entire house.

Shige drapes himself over one end of the couch, and Tegoshi takes over the other. They sit facing each other, Tegoshi's knees pulled up to his chest while Shige's legs are crossed. Shige's dressed much less obnoxiously today, an old band T-shirt and track pants, his hair pushed back with a headband. Tegoshi's in similar attire, only his hair is all over the place. If it's not getting styled by professionals, it looks like a lion's mane.

"So," Shige says, and Tegoshi settles in for the inevitable conversation. "I did a lot of thinking, a lot of _theorizing_ , and I'm not confident that I can go through with this without getting hurt."

Tegoshi nods. "I understand."

"I do like you, Tegoshi. I always have." Shige leans his head on the back of the couch and offers a smile. "I watched you grow up as I was growing up myself, and I think we both became pretty great adults."

"Speak for yourself," Tegoshi teases, and Shige laughs.

"I'm sorry, but I look at these things more seriously than you do," Shige goes on. "I know that your attraction comes and goes, and I don't know if I can handle that. Even if it's just sexual, it'll _kill_ me if you push me away, and I can't guarantee I'll want to consistently devote my time to any kind of arrangement either. We're horrible for each other this way."

"When you put it like that, it sounds like a bomb waiting to go off," Tegoshi reluctantly agrees. "Does it have to be all or nothing though?"

Shige sighs. "I don't know. We both have persistent personalities that would negate any attempt at maintaining boundaries we don't actually want. Like, if we decided on kissing only, one or both of us would negotiate for something more by the next visit."

"You're probably right," Tegoshi says with a laugh. "We have _so much_ chemistry though."

"I considered that," Shige tells him. "If it would be worth it for that alone, and I never reached a verdict. No matter how much information I have, I can't predict the future."

"Do you want it?" Tegoshi asks. "Logistics aside, do you want to be like that with me?"

"Very much," Shige answers, so casually that Tegoshi's shiver is belated. "In fact—hey, will you come closer? It feels wrong to talk about something so intimate with you so far away."

Tegoshi practically lurches across the couch, fitting easily between Shige and the back cushions. Shige wraps an arm around him and Tegoshi curls up to his chest, resting his head on Shige's shoulders and closing his eyes to the heartbeat thumping against his ear. He might be willing to give up on the sex thing if there's cuddling instead.

"That's better," Shige says, the depth of his voice vibrating Tegoshi's head. "Your hair is insane."

"If you want it brushed, you'll have to do it yourself," Tegoshi mumbles. "Washing it was already too much work for my day off."

"I appreciate your effort," Shige teases, and Tegoshi snorts. "As I was saying, I want you so much that it may actually be _worse_ if we _don't_ do it. Can you think of anything more excruciating than spending so much time with someone whom you're attracted to, who's also attracted to you, but you can't actually be together? I mean, that's the _actual_ definition of hell. Probably."

"What are you saying then?" Tegoshi asks, leaning up to look at Shige's face. Close up like this, he can see the facial hair starting to grow back in along Shige's jaw and under his nose. He wonders if it would feel bristly against his own skin.

"I'm saying that I'm at an impasse," Shige answers, heaving a breath so heavy that Tegoshi rises up and down with it. "I can't in good conscience say yes, but I don't want to say no either."

Tegoshi rolls onto his stomach, balancing halfway on top of Shige, and rests his chin on his hands. "So, where does that leave us?"

Shige responds by pushing Tegoshi's hair out of his face, his fingers drifting down past Tegoshi's ear and resting on the arm that's bent underneath him. Just like before, the first touch has his nerves on fire, his entire body shuddering so sharply that there's no way Shige didn't feel it.

"Don't tease me, Shige," Tegoshi warns. "I won't let you make a fool out of me."

"Wasn't planning on it," Shige says, tracing his way up to Tegoshi's hand, which he gently urges out and tugs up. "My logic didn't work, so let's try yours."

Tegoshi's eyes widen as he's guided further up Shige's body until their faces are aligned. "You literally just said you couldn't say yes. I'm not doing anything to you if you don't consent."

"I couldn't say yes to anything ongoing," Shige explains, his hand returning to Tegoshi's face to pull him closer. "I'm definitely saying yes to right now."

Tegoshi kisses him. Shige's arms wrap around his neck as their mouths slide together, much more than a quick peck with no end in sight. The first thing Tegoshi notices is the bristle of Shige's faint mustache against his upper lip, a little scratchy but a firm reminder that it's Shige and he's getting what it wants even if it's just for today.

It's as hot as Tegoshi expected it would be, but he doesn't want to go too fast. If he only gets this one time, he's going to make it count. He kisses Shige slowly and deeply, his hands roaming down up and down Shige's arms before dropping to his sides, slipping under his shirt to feel hot skin that quivers under his touch. If he only gets this one time, he's going to be so good that Shige will still feel him tomorrow, next week, next year.

A familiar yip breaks them apart, laughs mixed in with desperate gasps for air as Emma sits patiently on the floor next to them. She looks like she wants to get up on the couch, but she hasn't yet been granted permission to do so.

"Good girl," Tegoshi says, reaching down to pet her. "Go play for a while, okay? Papa's gonna pet Shige now."

"It's mildly disturbing how you compare us that way," Shige points out, not that he stops palming Tegoshi's back or relocating his mouth to Tegoshi's neck.

"Shige is a good boy too," Tegoshi teases, returning his attention to the man beneath him now that Emma has scampered off.

"Not for the next couple hours, I'm not."

Their next kiss is heated, laced with promise. Shige flicks his tongue between Tegoshi's lips and Tegoshi meets it with his own, kissing him so deeply that he loses his mind a little. His hands return to Shige's skin, feeling the muscles of his abdominals and the fleshy parts of his sides, and Shige moans softly into his mouth, the sound tickling the tip of Tegoshi's tongue.

"Yuuya," Shige whispers against his lips, the first time he's spoken Tegoshi's given name. "Take me to bed."

"This is your place," Tegoshi replies, purposely being a brat as he takes the opportunity to catch his breath. "You take me."

"You're on _top_ of me," Shige points out. "I can't move."

Tegoshi sighs. "You're too much of a hassle already."

Shige shoves him over and gets to his feet, staring down at Tegoshi with dark eyes that are equally as frightening and exhilarating. If Tegoshi had been attracted to Shige before, it's nothing compared to right now, when Shige looks ready to pick Tegoshi right up and carry him to bed himself.

Shige holds out his hand and Tegoshi accepts it, struggling to find his balance as he stands up and allows Shige to escort him down the hall. He hasn't seen Shige's bedroom since the day Shige moved in, but he's not really paying attention to the décor as Shige sits on his messily-made bed, pulling Tegoshi forward until Tegoshi's knees hit the mattress.

"Do you have a preference?" Shige asks, then laughs. "We probably should have discussed this before now."

"My preference is you," Tegoshi answers, because it sounds suave in his head, but Shige gives him an unimpressed look. "I can go either way, so whatever you want."

"In that case, I want to be inside you," Shige says, and Tegoshi shivers where he stands. "Position?"

Tegoshi responds by grabbing both of Shige's shoulders and shoving him down, crawling up his body as they scoot toward the middle of the bed. "I want to be on top."

"That's decided then." Shige rests his hands on Tegoshi's thighs as they straddle his waist, and Tegoshi gasps at how hard Shige is already. "Now, do something about these clothes."

Tegoshi's not usually one to be ordered around in bed, but with this one he doesn't mind. He reaches back to pull his shirt over his head and Shige's on him the instant his skin is exposed, hands splaying all over his chest as he dips his mouth into Tegoshi's neck to nip and suck the sensitive skin there. It's unexpected and pulls a moan from Tegoshi's lungs, his body rocking sharply against Shige to elicit a low noise from him too.

He manages to detach himself from Shige long enough to remove Shige's shirt, then they're both reaching down to shove off each other's pants. Shige moans out loud when Tegoshi takes his cock in hand, giving it a firm stroke and feeling it swell the rest of the way in his grip. Tegoshi leans down to kiss him again and gets a mouthful of tongue, which muffles his own groan when Shige touches him too.

Shige's free hand latches onto his hip, fingers digging into the flesh of his ass as Shige urges him back and forth, a prelude of what's to come. Tegoshi gives a particularly rough thrust and Shige tears his mouth away, breathing harshly as he turns his head to stare longingly at his nightstand.

"Condoms and lube in there?" Tegoshi asks knowingly, and Shige nods. "I'll get them."

If Shige has any issues with Tegoshi rooting through his drawers, he doesn't voice it. Tegoshi finds what he needs in the top drawer, placing both items next to Shige as he returns to the mouth that welcomes him back like it's been a few weeks instead of a few seconds. Tegoshi's only been kissing Shige for the last twenty minutes, but already it feels like home.

Before what's left of Tegoshi's mind can unpack that last thought, Shige's wet fingers are creeping between his legs. It's been long time since Tegoshi's let anyone do this to him, and there's a mild panic when a fingertip starts to circle his rim, but it's just Shige. Shige will be gentle; Shige won't hurt him.

Tegoshi's so relaxed that the first one goes in easily, his body already adjusting to having something inside it for pleasure. He tries to keep kissing Shige, but it proves useless when they both keep pulling away to breathe, Shige's lips pressing all over his face instead.

"You look so good like this," Shige tells him, inhaling with him when he pushes in a second finger. "I'm so fucking turned on just from watching your face."

Tegoshi pries his eyes open to find Shige watching him intently with a heated stare. "Bend your fingers a little," he says, his voice airy and toneless.

Shige does as he's told and Tegoshi moans, pushing back against the touch that keeps hitting that spot. "Right there?"

"Yeah," Tegoshi gets out, riding Shige's fingers like they're his cock, moans escaping with every exhale. "More."

Now, he's the one giving orders, but Shige's rushing to fulfil them. Three fingers and Tegoshi's already sweating, hips ready to buck with Shige hard inside him. His body isn't quite there yet, but Shige's not in a rush, taking the time to spread his fingers and stretch him properly.

Tegoshi tries his hand at kissing again, making it a few more prods before he has to stop. Shige laughs softly, his free hand pushing Tegoshi's hair out of his face once more, now damp and plastered to his skin. Then Shige reaches down for his own cock, biting his lip as he tugs himself just enough to send Tegoshi's arousal soaring.

"Shige," Tegoshi says, his words laced with breath. "I'm gonna ride you so hard."

" _Please_ ," Shige replies, and he reaches for a condom. Tegoshi's a little impressed at the way Shige tears it open with his teeth and rolls it on with one hand, following with a quick squirt of lube and a few more strokes to spread it around.

"I could watch you touch yourself all day," Tegoshi says, and Shige chokes out a laugh.

"I can keep doing it, if you want," Shige replies, smirking at Tegoshi's frown. "But I'd much rather do you."

"Yeah," Tegoshi agrees, swatting away Shige's other hand as he leans back on his heels. "I want that too."

Shige holds himself steady while Tegoshi sinks down, hissing as he's stretched even more by Shige's length. He was prepared well enough, but it's still a lot to take, and Shige rubs his thighs as he catches his breath and gives his body time to get used to it.

"How long has it been?" Shige asks.

"About two years?" Tegoshi guesses. "I've only been with women lately."

Shige makes a face, probably at the thought of having sex with women, but then he's gasping and grabbing onto Tegoshi's hips. "This already feels amazing and you're not even moving yet."

Tegoshi tests a thrust forward and Shige's the one who moans, his back arching clear off the bed. "You gonna make it there, friend?"

"Shut your face," Shige replies, his flush going all the way from his cheeks down to his chest.

"Try to last long enough to make it worth my while, will you?" Tegoshi teases, and it's Shige who starts moving first, thrusting up from below in the best argument ever. Tegoshi rocks back and forth and they find a rhythm together, their respective moans escalating as Shige slams into Tegoshi over and over again.

As much as Tegoshi likes being in control, this position is not kind to his knees, and Shige makes it until the second wince of pain before rolling them over. Tegoshi can't even be disappointed because Shige fucks like a god, angling himself just right to hit that spot and Tegoshi might have trouble walking tomorrow. Won't Massu just love that?

"Harder," Tegoshi gasps, because go big or go home, and now Tegoshi wants to be the one to feel Shige for days after. Shige obliges, grunting with each thrust and visibly trembling. "Are you close?"

"No," Shige says. "It just takes a lot of energy to go this fast."

"Slow down then," Tegoshi tells him, offering a sound of contentment when Shige abruptly cuts his speed in half. "Yeah, like that."

Shige groans as he adjusts to the new tempo, thrusting more sharply now that he's not jackhammering into Tegoshi. It's almost hypnotizing, luring Tegoshi into a subconscious state where all he knows is Shige moving inside him, slowly but deeply, and it's perfect.

Tegoshi reaches down to touch himself, and Shige hisses at the way Tegoshi's body tightens around him. "Are you—oh, you are."

"Yeah," Tegoshi says, moaning softly with each stroke. "This feels so much better with you inside me."

"I wanna feel you come," Shige mumbles, sounding like he's lost in his own trance as he moves in and out of Tegoshi. "Let me feel it, Yuuya."

"Okay." Tegoshi moves his hand faster, choking on his breath and hearing similar noises from above. It takes him higher, hips pushing up into his own hand and back against Shige's thrusts at the same time. "I'm close, Shige."

Shige moans as he matches Tegoshi's faster speed. "I'm getting there."

"I _am_ there," Tegoshi declares, arching as he comes on his chest. His body explodes, shaking as his orgasm takes him over, leaving him just aware enough to feel Shige finishing inside him.

It takes a solid minute for Tegoshi to focus again, wincing as he stretches out his already aching muscles beneath Shige's weight. Shige manages to slump to the side and dispose of the condom, then surveys Tegoshi's still trembling body.

"I was going to get something to clean us up, but we might fare better in the shower," Shige says as he draws patterns in the thin layer of sweat covering Tegoshi's heaving chest.

"I don't know if I can stand for that long," Tegoshi replies seriously. "You might have to hold me up."

Shige rolls his eyes. "You say that like it's the first time. Only this time, I'm actually inviting you into the shower with me."

"Such an honor," Tegoshi deadpans. "I'm so humbled."

"Come on," Shige goads, and Tegoshi allows himself to be manhandled into the bathroom. The water feels nice and so do Shige's hands as they clean him, even wash his hair again now that it's all sweaty and gross. Tegoshi "helps" by touching Shige everywhere his hands can reach, stealing kisses along with the warm water as he stretches this out as long as he can, because then it'll be _over_ and he doesn’t want it to end yet.

Eventually, he has to get out, whining as Shige tosses him a towel and makes him dry himself off. Tegoshi's even more reluctant to get dressed, even after Shige retrieves both of their clothes from on and around his bed. They still have most of the afternoon, and Tegoshi wonders what they'll even do together now that they've already "worked out" the reason for this visit. He hopes there's cuddling involved.

Emma demands his attention the instant he appears in the hallway, seeking her reward for leaving them alone so long. He finds her treats and gives her one, then plops on the floor to play with her while Shige does whatever Shige does after sex.

Shige emerges after a few moments, shaking his head at Tegoshi and Emma playing on the floor. "So, um," he says awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "Will you sit with me on the couch? Emma can come too."

Tegoshi gasps dramatically at his puppy. "Did you hear that, Emma-chan? You got couch privileges! Let's go!"

Emma beats them both to the couch, but stays out of the way as they get situated. Tegoshi sinks back into the cushions while Shige perches next to him, bracing his head with his arm on the next cushion over. It's too close and not close enough at the same time, and Tegoshi has no idea how he's going to go back to a life where he _doesn't_ touch Shige at every opportunity, where they're just friends who keep an acceptable distance between them at all times.

His concerns disappear as Shige brings a hand up to Tegoshi's face, finger-combing his wet hair back behind his ears, and Tegoshi closes his eyes to the touch. He feels Emma walking across them, probably checking out the entire perimeter of the couch now that she's allowed on it, but Tegoshi doesn't pay her much mind. Shige hits a snag and it only hurts for a second, his fingers untangling the unruly locks much more gently than the professionals do.

"Remember when you used to do my hair before performances?" Tegoshi asks, and Shige makes an affirmative noise.

"You would just sit in front of me until I did something with it," Shige recalls, and he's not wrong. "Why did you do that?"

Tegoshi shrugs. "I guess I wanted you to touch me back then too."

"About that," Shige says, bringing his other hand up to fix tiny braids above Tegoshi's ear. "I won't just meet up with you to have sex. We have to do something else, like eat together, or watch a movie, or even just play with Emma. You told me not to make a fool out of you, and I won't let you make one out of me either by using me that way. Do you understand?"

Tegoshi forces his eyes open to find Shige staring at him with a firm jaw, but those brown eyes are soft. "What are you talking about? You said we were only gonna do it once."

"You need to listen better," Shige chides him. "I said yes to this time. I didn't say it would be the only time."

"You need to be clearer when you speak!" Tegoshi exclaims, laughing incredulously at his misunderstanding. "I put one hundred percent into that because I thought that's all I would get. Now, you're saying we can do it again?"

"Every now and then is fine," Shige says, "as long as it doesn't become a regular thing. There is no arrangement, okay? We are _not_ sex friends. If you feel like that toward me and I have the time, we can do it. Keep it simple."

Tegoshi nods. "Okay."

"Does this mean you're going to be a lazy lay from now on?" Shige teases.

"I made _so much effort_ for you." Tegoshi sighs. "You're doing all the work next time."

"I'm okay with that," Shige tells him, leaning down to speak directly into his ear with this sinfully low voice. "I like being in charge."

Tegoshi doesn't bother to hide his shiver, flinging his arm to the side in a halfhearted smack. "Don't say things like that after we _just_ finished. I'll want to go again and Massu will kill you tomorrow when I complain all day about being sore."

Shige laughs, but he pulls back. "Okay, but just for Massu."

Tegoshi swats at him again, and Shige pointedly nuzzles his face. The stubble feels annoying now and Tegoshi whines, making Shige laugh more.

Then Emma jumps up on their laps, covering them both in puppy kisses, and Tegoshi wishes he could bottle this feeling and keep it forever, because he knows it'll be gone tomorrow.

*

Nothing really changes. Tegoshi cleans his entire apartment that night because he's always productive after getting laid, but the next day is more of the same. Work, Emma, more work, friends; if he's lucky, he gets to eat something tasty and sleep for more than a few hours. Even if he doesn't, he's still content. Tegoshi Yuuya loves his life and everyone in it.

It's easier to look at Shige now that they've "gotten it out of their system," as Massu put it. The only reason Tegoshi doesn't make good on his threat to relay every single minute of it is out of respect for Shige himself, because he's no longer confident that Koyama would be getting the same play by play. After actually experiencing what he's only thought about in passing for the past decade, he feels like that's something that would stay between them.

The only difference is that Shige's nicer to him now. It's strange at first, not to get a rise out of Shige whenever he says something that would ordinarily have him on the receiving end of one of Shige's old-man lectures, but Tegoshi grows to appreciate being spared. Koyama and Massu still pick on him endlessly, but Shige leaves him alone. And, of course, he stops complaining about Emma being present, petting her almost as much as Tegoshi does.

Tegoshi makes it a week before he realizes he hasn't been attracted to Shige once. He'd actually paid attention in meetings without getting distracted, and he couldn't recall what Shige had been wearing for any of the projects they were working on together. It's such a relief to function like a normal person again, at least as normal as Tegoshi gets.

"Only you would stop being attracted to someone after sleeping with them," Shige says when he checks in after a couple weeks.

"Are you disappointed?" Tegoshi asks.

Shige shrugs. "Not really. I have a lot going on right now anyway. I wouldn't turn you away if you wanted it, but I'm not gonna actively chase it down."

Tegoshi laughs. "What kind of friends are we even?"

"The best kind," Shige answers, flashing his real smile. "I do miss Emma though. Can I see her sometime?"

"Don't ask to see her and not me!" Tegoshi squawks, and Shige laughs. "Just because I don't wanna fuck you doesn't mean I don't wanna hang out. My schedule just opened up for Thursday, actually. I originally had soccer practice, but it's going to be too cold. It might even snow."

Shige nods. "I can be free on Thursday. Your place?"

"Okay."

But when Thursday comes around, Tegoshi still sees regular Shige with his hat hair and his face scruff. That doesn't stop him from running up to the door along with Emma to hug Shige, lingering with his arms around Shige's waist because it really is cold.

"It started to snow already," Shige says into his hair. "Wanna take Emma-chan out to play in it?"

Emma answers before Tegoshi, hopping right out of Shige's arms to trot over to where her leash hangs, staring pointedly at them. "Good girl!" Tegoshi praises her, then turns to Shige. "She hasn't been out in the snow yet. This will be a first!"

It's really coming down outside, which just means that they're the only idiots out walking a dog. Tegoshi's frozen within minutes, even under all of his layers, but Emma's having a blast jumping into the snow that keeps piling up all around them.

"It this keeps up, it might not be safe for me to drive home," Shige says, his voice muffled by his scarf.

"Oh no," Tegoshi says sarcastically. "Whatever will you do for shelter?"

Shige shoves him in response, and on impulse Tegoshi throws a handful of snow at him. It disperses before it makes contact, but Tegoshi recognizes the challenge in Shige's eyes. They both rush to make a proper snowball, but the snow is too soft to pack and explodes into white flurries before it even hits the air.

Then Shige improvises and smacks a tree branch just as Tegoshi walks under it, completely showering him in snow. Tegoshi retaliates by pushing Shige directly into a growing snow bank, but Shige grabs him by the arm and they both go down, Tegoshi shrieking as the cold wetness seeps through his hat and pants.

Emma jumps on top of him, licking the snow off of his face, and Tegoshi praises her again. "She thinks I'm hurt and is trying to save me!" he exclaims. "What a good puppy."

"Never mind Shige," Shige mutters from next to him, his face scrunching up when Emma turns to lick him next. "Ah!"

"Aww, she loves you too." Tegoshi thinks about smothering Shige's face with snow, then notices how red Shige's nose is and decides against it. "We should get back. Soon the snow will be bigger than Emma-chan!"

Emma doesn't mind one bit that she has to hop through the snow, though Tegoshi picks her up after a few blocks. They hadn't made it very far, but Tegoshi's neighborhood has become a winter wonderland in the short time they've been gone. Tegoshi feels like he'd just hiked through the arctic when he finally reaches his building.

His voice will just have to suffer; he cranks the heat when he gets back, changing out of his wet clothes and finding something for Shige to wear. It's probably the first time Tegoshi's ever dove into his bed fully dressed, burrowing under the covers and shivering. Emma hops up too, but she gives up trying to get pets out of Tegoshi's tightly-packed burrito and curls up next to him.

"Can I join you in there?" Shige asks, and Tegoshi nods. There's a brief burst of cold air and then Shige's behind him, his equally as cold skin pressing to Tegoshi's. "This is okay, right?"

Tegoshi answers by doing a one-eighty and flinging his arms around Shige, pressing his face into Shige's chest to warm up his nose. Shige embraces him back, his own nose buried in Tegoshi's hair, and they lie like this until Tegoshi's bones don't feel like ice anymore.

Shige's lips are cool on his forehead, and Tegoshi doesn't think twice before leaning up to capture them with his own. He's surprised when he feels something, a little shock that has him kissing Shige much longer than he'd originally intended. It would be so easy to roll on top of him and really heat things up, but Tegoshi's still not interested, harshly breaking their kiss with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" Shige asks, his voice barely a whisper as his fingers drift up Tegoshi's bare arm.

Now he's shivering for a different reason, but it doesn't change how he looks at Shige. "I felt something when we kissed, so I thought it was coming back, but I still don't have any desire for you."

Shige's smile is unexpected and kind of condescending, but Tegoshi's frown is quickly kissed away. "You know, it is possible to simply like someone without wanting to fuck them."

"Could have fooled me," Tegoshi grumbles. "My last two partners said something completely different when I hadn't seen them for a while."

"I'm not them," Shige says firmly, and Tegoshi lifts his eyes to find Shige's already on him, warm and comforting. "I actually really enjoy lying here with you like this. We don't have to do anything sexual just because we're in bed together. You already said you weren't feeling it, so I'm not even thinking about it."

"Thanks," Tegoshi replies, his next sigh much happier as he stretches out his arm for Shige to touch. "That feels nice."

"Touch me too?" Shige asks, nuzzling Tegoshi's face with his nose. "Anywhere, I don't care. I just want to feel your hands on my skin."

Something twists inside Tegoshi and it's not entirely unpleasant; he rushes to comply with the request, slipping underneath the hem of his own shirt on Shige's body to rest his fingers against the small of Shige's back. He outlines the vertebrae of Shige's spine and watches as Shige's eyes flutter shut, nuzzling closer.

Tegoshi's mind falls pleasantly blank. He doesn't think about sex, about his past experiences, even about the outside world that's undoubtedly covered in white as he cuddles with Shige, feeling Shige's slow breaths on his face and soft fingers on his arm. It goes unspoken that Shige's not going anywhere for a long time, and while they have to eat and bathe eventually, Tegoshi is content staying in bed until then.

"This feels more intimate than when I was inside you," Shige says, and Tegoshi agrees.

Then a cold nose pokes the back of his neck, and Tegoshi's squeal has Shige laughing so hard that the bed shakes. "Emma-chan!"

"She's cold too!" Shige exclaims, lifting the covers for Emma to join them. "She may have fur, but she was practically swimming in snow."

Emma's not too happy to be swaddled in blankets, but Tegoshi doesn't mind emerging from his cocoon now that he's not freezing anymore. Not that he leaves Shige's embrace one bit, staying right where he is as he lowers the covers enough for Emma to lie between them. Shige pets her and Tegoshi watches, becoming more enamored with each passing moment.

"What's going through your mind?" Shige asks, and Tegoshi focuses to find curious eyes on him.

Tegoshi shakes his head. "Nothing. I don't have a thought in the world."

"True enlightenment, right there." Shige gives Emma one final belly rub and returns to Tegoshi. "I'm jealous. I wish I could turn my brain off."

"What are you thinking about?" Tegoshi asks.

"Stupid things," Shige mutters, and Tegoshi's about to admonish him when he goes on. "Whether you actually like me or not."

"I do like you!" Tegoshi replies without hesitation, then feels sheepish when Shige smiles at him. "I mean, I don't just lie here and do nothing with people I don't like."

"Even if we're only stuck together because of the snow?" Shige teases.

"I could still be doing something else other than cuddling in bed with you," Tegoshi points out. "Everywhere I am is where I want to be. Don't forget that."

"I won't." Shige leans up on his elbow to press a kiss to Tegoshi's lips. "I like you too."

"Good," Tegoshi says, stretching out on his back as he looks up at Shige's face. It may be an older version, but it's still the same face he's known since he was fifteen years old. He reaches up to push Shige's hair out of his eyes, his palm lingering on Shige's prickly jaw, and Shige gives him such a doting look that his heart aches, making much more out of this than it really is.

That's okay, he decides as he pulls Shige down for another kiss that doesn't end nearly as soon. Even if it just lasts until the snow plows drive through, it's worth it to feel this way with someone who understands him so well. It's not the most conventional happy ending, but it's good enough for Tegoshi. For now.

 


End file.
